we made out on top of his cat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
