but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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