i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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