did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
