He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
