I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
