i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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