Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
