I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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