I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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