found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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