My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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