Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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