Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
