You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize