it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
