Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I supernannyed him into submission
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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