You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want her autograph on my taint
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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