I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So vagazzling was a success
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
