I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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