Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
