I think my vagina is haunted
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
