Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
