if only i could text you this smell
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
