My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
