i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
