cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
