i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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