I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
