it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
