Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
