it hurts more in the daytime
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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