Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
