so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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