i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
