I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
