I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
