woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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