don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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