This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
