You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
