Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just google imaged poop.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
