I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
