I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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