I think I won the penis lottery.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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