Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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