I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
