its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize