i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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