I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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