and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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