We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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