And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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