Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
