I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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