things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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