that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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