He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize