Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
