So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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