That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
