i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
