No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
