i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
