It's Friday. Sex?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
