Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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