Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
