my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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